


Save Me

by Freaky123



Series: Kurda [1]
Category: cirque du freak
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freaky123/pseuds/Freaky123
Summary: In a rare moment of solace, Vancha finds himself reflecting upon what happened and what could’ve been.
Relationships: Mika/Kurda - Relationship, Vancha/Kurda
Series: Kurda [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108772
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Save Me

Save me (Ares- Alba Reche) 

Vancha wipes tears from his eyes and sighed. He thanked the gods for small mercies- even if he was there, he wouldn’t have been able to save him. He knew his fate was sealed the second he conspired with Vancha’s ex-brothers and there was nothing he could do about it- he still thought about what could’ve been, though, and it tortured him every day. 

The tears flowed freely as he thought about the times they spent together. The chances he took with Kurda, the times they almost died, the times they came out of it alive- but this time it was only Vancha. 

“Vancha,” he remembered Kurda saying. He smiled and chuckled faintly at the memory of the nights they spent together. The taste of his skin, and the feeling of his body against his own was sublime. 

“Yes?” Vancha asked. He mouthed the words as he remembered them. He remembered everything about that moment- how the dark deepened the color in Kurda’s eyes and made them as mysterious as the Marianas Trench. Kurda’s blond hair lay in disarray from their activities that night, and his cheeks were still slightly flushed. 

Vancha wanted to tell him how much he wanted him, but not in a sexual way. He wanted to wake up to Kurda’s figure curled up and pressing into his own; wind Kurda’s hair through his hands and feel the locks slip through his fingers; laugh about nothing and everything; and love him in the ways that he deserved but thought he couldn’t earn. 

But that’s not what happened. 

“We should stop seeing each other,” Kurda whispered. Vancha’s heart dropped further than he thought it could. 

“Why?” He asked. Vancha mouthed the word with a sob. If only he could have stopped Kurda. Maybe he would still be here- granted, he would be with Mika, but that’s still here. 

“I-“ he couldn’t find the right words, but Vancha already knew the answer. 

Mika. Mika Ver Fucking Leth. The man who got everything he ever wanted and more, and yet he couldn’t let Vancha have this one. He couldn’t stand back for once and let Vancha be happy. 

Still, Vancha smiled. 

Vancha sobbed openly now, and the tears felt warm on his cheeks. Oh gods, of all things to take from this war, take my heart. It bleeds for the dead. 

He knew Kurda’s decision was final- but a part of him yearned for something more. He knew that Kurda’s heart was with Mika, but Vancha loved Kurda more than words could ever express. All he wanted was to tell Kurda how much he meant to him, but that wouldn’t happen. 

Vancha was a man to keep his cards close to his chest, and this once he let his guard down and wore mirrored glasses. Never again. 

“I love Mika,” Kurda finished. Vancha knew it was coming, but it was cutting nonetheless. He bit his lip and tried not to visibly cry in front of Kurda. 

A hand on his arm. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I should’ve told you a long time ago.” 

A long time ago. He used me? 

“It’s alright,” he said, even though it wasn’t, “thank you for telling me.” 

He got up and pulled on his tunic before leaving. 

“Vancha-“ 

Vancha sobbed at the thought of what that sentence was supposed to be. He walked out of the cave before he could hear Kurda finish it, and that was he last thing he heard from Kurda. 

How fitting. 

If only he could’ve told him before he died a traitor’s death. They would never meet in Paradise, and all he would remember Kurda for was that solitary word. 

“Vancha-“


	2. Starlight (Merry Go Round Of Life)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurda’s thoughts about his execution as it’s happening.

Pure Starlight (Merry Go Round Of Life) 

Kurda knew it was coming. How could he not? He just tried to kill all of the princes, and he actually killed Gavner. Arra’s death was on his hands as well, and he was grateful for the death penalty. He much preferred that to Larten’s vengeance of Arra. He shivered at the thought. The stakes may be sharp, but Larten’s reflexes and knives were sharper. 

No doubt Arrow would assist in it as well- or at least provide Larten with a quiet room for his business. The two rarely got on- at least in public. There was a reverence for sure, but neither truly knew the other. There were whispered rumors of a woman named Alicia Dunyk a few decades ago, and after that Arrow and Larten became inseparable. 

And now Arrow was going to execute him. The blindfold stuck to his face due to the tears, but there was one thought that echoed through his mind: 

Thank the gods Vancha wasn’t there. 

He never planned on killing Vancha. He could never raise a hand against the man who he truly loved. Mika was good in the coffin, but Kurda loved Vancha, not Mika. He had to tell him that he loved Mika- he despised the man with a passion, and couldn’t wait for the poison to take effect- in order to spare him from the fate of being killed. 

That was the one thing he regretted. He never told Vancha how much he loved him, or how much he wanted to kiss him daily and feel his arms wrap around Kurda’s thin frame. He never got to tell him about the early morning coffee in the sunset that he enjoyed- the silence that said everything- and he never got to tell him three words. 

The heartbreak on his face when Kurda lied to him nearly tore him in two. He almost broke down crying and told him everything. Vancha would’ve helped him get out of it. Right? 

The first drop came unexpected. 

The pain was excruciating, but Kurda didn’t cry out. Instead, he imagined himself and Vancha. Holding hands, his smaller nestled in Vancha’s larger. It felt warm, like the blood seeping through his torn tunic and skin. 

He saw Vancha kissing his shoulder tenderly, and he almost cried out. He didn’t see Mika holding in tears as he executed Kurda. 

“Vancha,” Kurda breathed raggedly. 

Vancha was looking at him in the way he always did, that cock eyed expression that meant he was either puzzled or thinking about something. 

He felt the second set of stakes pierce through him, and he was dancing in the stars with Vancha in his arms.


	3. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gannen finds a flannel and memories come flooding back

Regrets (Champagne Problems) 

When Gannen heard the news, he could hardly believe his ears. 

There was no way Kurda was dead. His plan- even though Gannen personally disagreed with it- was foolproof. There was no way anyone would get in the way, and in the end Kurda would succeed like he always did. 

Except this time he didn’t. That blond, wonderful, energetic and shy vampire was dead. And in the worst way possible. 

The ring in Gannen’s pocket burned into his skin, and yet the tears would not come. 

His ex- almost- fiancée was dead. And he couldn’t cry. 

The flannel that Kurda would steal in the mornings still hung on a coat peg by the door, almost as if he would waltz through the door and put it on with a yawn before retiring into their coffin. 

Their relationship was a secret- both were somewhat revered (Gannen more so)- and of anyone found out, neither would have their heads in their shoulders. 

Dead. 

He couldn’t wrap his head around it. There was no way he was dead. 

He loved him, and when you love people they don’t die. There’s a happy ending, with a wedding and everything. 

Except this time there wasn’t. 

All Gannen wanted was to feel him wrapped around his body, and that would never happen. 

He broke up with him when he found out about that outrageous plan of his- it was downright traitorous! And he didn’t want to be associated with it. 

Neither side would suffer a traitor to live, and Kurda knew it. He signed his own damned death sentence and he didn’t care. That bastard didn’t care, and that’s what hurt Gannen worst of all. He threw away their entire relationship over a rumor, and all Gannen did was cut ties. 

Not that it didn’t hurt him. It hurt him more than he imagined love ever could, and he made up a decision to never love again. It hurt too much, and this one time was enough. 

He walked toward the coatrack where the flannel was and buried his face in it. 

The tears came then, when it hit him that there would no longer be a Kurda Smahlt to love and cherish. No longer to propose to, no longer to whisper sweet nothings to. 

He fell asleep with the flannel balled in his arms, and he wore it until it was rags hanging from his body.


End file.
